I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she looked like the before picture.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
