Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
