Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
