This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
