just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
