I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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