i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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