Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
