i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
