sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
