smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
