nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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