Just mADE A PArabola og urine
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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