There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
