I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
