The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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