If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
