Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
