So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Drake has all the answers
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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