we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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