her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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