I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
