Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize