I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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