im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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