you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
