btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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