Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
