I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
