just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
