K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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