I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
