My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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