so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
