had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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