just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
