we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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