guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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