I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
