Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
