I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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