I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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