Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize