New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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