Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
