I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
