I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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