im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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