He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
