we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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