Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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