He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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