yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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