I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
