I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize