so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
