mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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