Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
