You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
