My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
