A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
