I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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