help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
