The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
