I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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