Someone shit on the floor
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
