I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
