The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
