just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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