it's like iHOP with fire
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
