I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
