Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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