Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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