people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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