Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
