just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
