i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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