Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
