YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
